I hoped to be sitting here writing about my so-far interesting Nebraska trip with my family... However, I can't deny the feeling that God has utilized an otherwise casual family vacation to cause me to come face-to-face with some spiritual realities.
The tears have steadily flowed today, and there's an ache in my heart that's about as intense as this Nebraskan humidity. Yet I have been able to conjure up enough emotional strength to cry, "Hug me Father. Hug me and hold me and don't let go until the hurt goes away." Ironically, the tears are further provoked by the immense unworthiness I feel for His love and the incomprehensible reality that, despite my flaws, He will do just that -- hold me and love me. Despite my faithlessness at times, my misguided attention, or my outright disobediences, I know I will not be left to endure alone. And that alone will bring an already broken girl even further to her knees.
If any time were right for a spiritual inquisition, this would be the week. Away from the comforts of home, friends, or anything familiar or consistent, I am left with only my family and God. And to keep from hampering my family's enjoyment I've had to further lean on God to find the strength needed to finish out this week. I suppose it's safe to say God's timing is terribly perfect.
Furthermore, the book I have taken along with me during this trip is John Piper's
When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy. In it, John Piper talks about the necessity of finding joy in God because it is our spiritual duty. Although Melissa gave the book to me almost a year ago I've always found it difficult to get through it entirely. Until today I was under the false impression that I DO love God and do have joy in Him. But I think what I was missing was that my joy cannot be subjective to the highs or lows that come my way. If I truly desire Him and find delight in Him my joy outside of Him will be a more reliable constant. And right now, I feel the only joy I can truly experience IS the joy I find in Him, and it's a joy that is in need of much deeper searching on my part.
I hope that the remainder of my summer will be well spent investigating the person I am, spending alone-time doing evaluations of my strengths and weaknesses. I don't deny that the brokeness will continue, and the healing will take a while. But I feel determined to take God's challenge and I only pray the results will be life-changing.
Yesterday while shopping at the Promenade Shops at Dos Lagos I couldn't help but stop by the infamous, better-respect Pinkberry. So, for the sake of science I ordered my very first Pinkberry frozen yogurt to compare to (what was formerly known as) Swirl. Now, I have only had a total of one Swirl experience but I'll gladly give Pinkberry their credit -- indeed, a (decent-sized) portion of heaven. Now, the immediate downfall is that it is not self-serve and they only have 3 yogurt flavors: original, green tea, and coffee. Also, they don't have as many topping choices as Swirl; but I like my yogurt simple so that wasn't a disappointment for me. That being said, their most-commonly-ordered "original" flavor was one of the best, if not THE best yogurt my little taste buds have ever experienced. A fresh, very distinct, never-gets-old flavor that delightfully compliments the toppings I had (strawberries, kiwi, and granola) . . . Maybe I should be a food critic. And while you'll still pay enough money to constitute a meal, they give you enough for it to be just that.
